2010 - What Will It Bring?

The new year (and I do NOT capitalize it on purpose 'cause it's pissed me off so far) has brought only grief. I got the flu 2 days prior to and subsequently into the new decade. And it has take me awhile to get back onto my feet, both literally and figuratively. I saw my workload and waist weight increase as my stamina decreased. But, with January on the downhill side, I'm thinking that we all must have a few cloudy days in our life. So now that I've had my fair share it must and will start getting better and better. I'm determined to lose the 10 pounds I gained and will start an intense exercise program in February. I'm also determined to get some of my work life 'back on track' and I will be traveling extensively over the next several weeks. I'm going to dig in my heels, get my hands dirty, and clean house - THERE - enough metaphors for you? I've got my home almost organized and that garage of leftover college crap WILL be cleaned, organized, and sold soon by my two lovely daughters or I will dig in my heels, get my hands dirty....well you get the point. I have no room in my life now for clutter, much less things that don't belong to me. I'll give it a few weeks, then I'm calling Goodwill for a pick up that'll make their day! One thing about being sick and down and blue, when you come out of it, you appreciate every day so much more. So there - 2010 - bring it on!

Holiday Musings

I haven't written in awhile because life has been throwing snowballs at me! Some have been fluffy and wet and fun...a few have been filled with sharp rocks. But either way, it's been a heck of a sled ride the past few weeks. During the past month, though, there are many, many moments of warmth and cheer. The lovely evening at my friend Nancy's house, drinking yummy chocolate martini's with her and Paula, watching the flames in the fireplace, as we sat in a beautifully (and tastefully, I might add) decorated home. Nancy's Christmas decorations are stunning. She should have her house on one of those Holiday Tours!! Made me want to simplify all my frippery.

Spending the evening with Paula and niece Natalie at our traditional Crown Shop Holiday Open House, I pushed through the crowds and sampled the food, and looked at everything many times over as we swept back and forth through the store. And nothing like a nice glass of wine or two (or three?) to make you enjoy being jostled as you try not to knock over any of the displays with your purse. Winning a door prize didn't lessen my enjoyment ;0) And then the pinnacle of the weekend - Holiday House! Talk about sensory overload! You leave exhausted to the tip of your toes, but what a trip to get there. A few of my favorite moments? Sharing a sandwich with Paula as we scratched off our lottery tickets, getting lost in the aisles (are you sure we didn't go down that one?), getting Christmas glassware for a steal, sampling cherry salsa, cherry jelly, cherry candy, and having Sarah join us in her cowboy boots! Many comments about them from strangers.

Oh, oh, oh - I forgot about our 'mini' Black Friday on Saturday :) It started with the Belk Charity Sale, and that day was like a whirlwind of unexpected excitement and joy. Panera in the morning, followed by the great bargains at Belk, a trip to the shiny new Chic-Fil-A with a free entree thrown in, over to June's Hallmark where I ended up with a big bag full of complimentary goodies, ending with a foray through Fresh Market for a feast of Thanksgiving samples. What a blast! Brunch and lunch for free, a bag of exceptionally nice goodies (for free, of course)....my kind of fun. Do I sound cheap? You wouldn't think so if you've seen all the money I've spent. Businesses spend a good deal of money on R&D, figuring out how to suck in people like me. I would say they've been quite successful in their endeavor.

Christmas was momentarily set aside as we readied ourselves for Thanksgiving. Allison came home early, which was a real treat. Watching her try to peel potatoes was my laugh of the week. She helped with the pie, too. I tried to use my food processor for the crust, but I've got to experiment abit more with it. Still, it was such a relief this year to cook yet clean the kitchen as I went along so it wouldn't be horrible when I got home after the big meal. What I learned from this holiday? Paula Deen's Lemon Fluff Cake is not that good even though it takes a long time to make, Fresh Market cranberry sauce is heavenly, it's good to shop early for Thanksgiving groceries, and there's no reason to make homemade bread when you can buy Mrs. Shubert's dinner rolls. I can eat the whole pan by myself.

After the family meal, Paula and I poured through the advertisements and the internet until our eyes were crossed. It sounds rather grueling, but actually it's a good time. As I'm always fond of saying, planning IS part of the experience. We make lists and check them twice, and then check on them again with Stephen, looking for not only the best deal but ways to have the the most fun! After we'd gone through our ads we set up our morning schedule, parted company, and went to bed early, eager for the 3 a.m. wake up call!

We were at the doors of Belk at 4 a.m. Natalie went with us again and Sarah met us there. Of course, they eventually had to go off on their own (secrets, secrets) but we met them through out the day at McDonald's for breakfast, on and off at the mall, and at Purple Cow for mimosas and lunch. Here's the places we visited and the moments that stand out. (Remember, we are the gurus of Black Friday.)
Belk - everyone running to grab the black boots for $19.99. I had to grab a pair, too. Didn't even try them on. Target 5 a.m. - the longer than long line to get in - OMG. I've never been at the END of one of those. But we didn't wait long to get in. And the security was so good that I filled out the online survey and told them so. Bargain? The $3.99 DVD's and my $9.99 Dirt Devil. Office Depot at 6 a.m. Totally messed up on what I saw in the advertisement. But still ended up with a good deal. Michaels - 25% off entire order including my candles and stocking stuffers. Walgreens - Buy one porch tree, get one free - fab! But I did have to throw in a really cute red and white soft scarf for myself! Who can resist at $3.49? Then we headed for Kohls. There wasn't a mad rush, but there were crowds. I had to wait at the register for a cart. It was nice taking a little time to actually shop. Best bargain? A mattress pad for $19.99. (It's the little things that bring me joy :) After a quick jog through Starbucks, we headed to the mall. It was too early for the majority of the teenage sleepyheads, so it was particularly nice. The Limited (free scarf), Natalie's Candy Store (free gummy bears), Bath & Body Works (no free stuff - boo) and the Hallmark Crown Shop (40% off one item, buy one-get one free socks and mug, 20% off another item, etc.) were our only stops, then it was off to lunch. A few more places after that - including Home Depot. We made it back to the house about 3 p.m. Whew!!! It's been 2 days and I'm still tired.

The things that stand out? Paula driving like a NYC cabbie - getting us there fast and in one piece, waiting in a short checkout line at the Electronics department at Target. Most people waited nearly an hour to get OUT of the store. Pouring over our lists at McDonald's, eating sample candies at the mall, and drinking mimosas while Sarah gave her Aunt Paula the cute little mouse (which doesn't sing or dance or shake or even squeal!) she had been admiring at Hallmark. Getting a call from a friend who got me the great bargain at Kohls, since I couldn't be at two places at 4 a.m. The funnest deals? The boots which I wore the next day, the 10 poinsettia's for $.99 apiece and the way my Dirt Devil vacuums up the leaves at the back door.

To Be Continued.....

Body and Brain Boost

I mentioned in my last blog that I would list the positives about losing weight. My total loss, as of this morning, is 36 pounds. I've been eating about 1200 calories per day, trying to keep my fat percentage down, drinking water like it's the 'New Coke' and walking on the treadmill at least 4X per week. Last weekend I purged my closet of my bigger clothes. Nothing makes you look more scruffy than wearing a pair of pants that you can pull on without unzipping them and a blouse that keeps slipping off your shoulder. It was very bittersweet. I did have some clothes I really loved, but the cost and time to have them altered was just more work than worthwhile. Every day I picked through my limited wardrobe, trying to find something to wear. Ah, hah! I will wear that pair of pants that I never felt comfortable in. Oh dear! Too big. Ah, hah! There's that shirt that was a little too tight. Oh dear! It looks like a pillowcase on me. So, credit card in hand, I finally made the trek to the store to get a few new outfits! It was such an experience, trying on those little frilly tops that used to make me look silly (though I still didn't buy them) and even more fun trying on a pair of medium sized shorts and laughing because they swallowed me. (Not that I'm a size M yet, but you know that different companies size in different ways.) Other rewards - my knees don't hurt so much, I'm enjoying my exercise sessions, and it's a real blast to see someone's eyes widen when they haven't seen me in 6 months. I like wearing higher heels - it makes me feel thinner and I'm not as likely to fall off of them. My energy level has gone up, up, up. I want to do more, go more places, try new things. I can't wait to have my cholesterol checked or step on a scale during my annual physical! Easily zipping myself into an expensive fitted tunic I hadn't worn in 5 years, well, I felt like I was in that Special K commercial! I now see my reflection in the glass and don't cringe. And I can definitely say that compliments are better than dessert.

Losing Weight - What Does It Change?

I am pleased to report that I have lost 32 pounds. It is an amazing thing, in and of itself, since it is so difficult for me to lose with my hormone therapy (post cancer drug that sucks the estrogen out of me!) So now, I am beginning to look at myself and evaluate the changes, and the things that haven't changed. First, I've always worn a rather camouflaged look. Long, tunic tops. Nothing form fitting. No ruffles. No sleeveless. Always cover the belly and hide the cleavage. I find that I still prefer this style of dress. And as I hid my body as it grew, I still hide my body as it shrinks. I'm trying to get into a different mindset and look at more form fitted clothes, but old habits are very hard to change. And then there is the issue of middle age bulge. That nice little tire, muffin top, love handle ~ whatever you want to call it ~ continues to haunt me. Thus, the tunic tops. The other unwelcome change? As you lose weight, when you are no longer young and 'elastic', your face begins to show every wrinkle and crinkle on your paper-thin skin. So, you ask yourself, "Is this worth it? What ARE the good things about denying myself that Krispy Kreme donut?"

I must say I've discovered some disturbing things about my psyche. I think I'm fat when I look in the mirror, no matter how much I weigh. I think people are describing me as fat. I feel fat when I eat. I am so critical of myself. I want to develop a more honest approach with me. I have to banish old thinking and learn to love who I am, no matter what I look like. And then there is the control bug! I need to be in control. Even if I'm losing weight, if I eat too many almonds or an extra dinner roll, I awaken so depressed in the morning. I feel like an utter failure. I can't seem to cut myself a break! I want to develop a healthier attitude about what is and isn't important. I want to make conscious choices and decisions but give myself some flexibility. Lastly, I've realized that I need constant positive feedback from others. If my daughter comes home from college and doesn't say anything, I start questioning what I look like. I need my husband to comment on how well I'm doing. To praise me and compliment me. This realization gives me the heebie-jeebies! Where did this insecurity come from?

Yes, losing weight has brought about some changes I didn't expect. I have discovered so much about my thinking and the mind-games my subconscious is playing. I know I still have so much to learn. I now realize I want to change so much more than my body.

Next post to come - what is FUN about losing weight!

Continuing to Grow

I keep wanting to sit down and write, but laundry and work and NCIS re-runs keep me busy. Just kidding! I have been learning and doing so many new things it has kept me quite occupied. Of course, you've seen my blue room in my previous post, and thus two of my past-times...I am really trying to keep up the exercise and I'm meditating much more. I am beginning to realize how valuable and special meditation can be. I find myself moving from the outside world and into my 'place in the present' much easier. I was doing 5 minute sessions, which seemed like an eternity. Now it's too short and I've moved up to 10 minutes, which usually fly by. I'm generally happier and am handling my work and home pressures with a better attitude and increased energy. I'm also exercising at least 4 times per week, walking and/or weight lifting. Having a place to go - a sanctuary, if you will, is so inviting. I've kept my bedroom clutter free and my house in good order - enough that I feel comfortable inviting friends over without going into a panic. And all of this good 'karma' has taken me to a new discovery...I'm trying to learn how to scrub some of the brown off my thumb. I see a tiny smidgen of green under there. I planted Verbenas and talked to people 'in the know' at the nursery, who helped me pick out Dragonfly Begonia's for the front porch. I've researched herbs and planted rosemary, sage, parsley, basil, and oregano. I bought grass seed and pine straw and covered an area that used to be a mudbog! This is all quite bittersweet. It makes me wish I had made more of an effort years ago to learn the ins and outs of gardening. My mother is a Master Gardener, for heaven's sake! Yes, the picture is one of several ponds she has designed and coerced my brothers and dad into building. Surely there's a little bit of her in my DNA. It's quite daunting to figure out everything, but so exciting when something grows or blooms or obtains a new beauty. Heck, as I sat outside and admired my work, I thought - hmmm...I need to have someone come in and cut the limbs on the lower part of the trees. Who knows? I may be my mother some day!

A Room Of My Own

My how time flies. I realized I haven't posted anything in nearly a month. So I guess it's time I give an update on my room. I'm nearly finished with it and I do enjoy it so much. I moved the treadmill in with the help of some brawny guys at my work. It is an older machine but perfect for me. At the suggestions of a TIPS lady, I went to TJ Maxx and found an inexpensive exercise ball and mat. I had originally found the curtains (Tommy Hilfiger) at a garage sale. They've been sitting and waiting for a place for nearly two years, so it was great to finally get them up. The closet is my 'Gift Closet' and holds items that I purchase through-out the year, mostly for Christmas. After setting up the treadmill, I began to work on the rest of the room.
An old oak dresser stayed in room and I'm using it for my workout clothes, hand towels, and I will be adding coffee cups and creamer. I am putting my dorm size refrigerator in the room and will put the one-cup coffee maker on top of it. I also added some pretty pictures from TJ Maxx (great place to get low priced stuff) and some lamps.
I made myself a meditation corner by using an old tv stand that I covered with a beautiful brown, gold glittered cloth. I even glued the trim on myself. I collected artwork and other things I love personally and put them in that corner, with a candle on the table. I have my cd's and other stuff I need in the basket under the table. Finally, I made a reading area. Wingback chair with a blue and gold throw to cover the lime green, yellow, orange stripes, a bookshelf filled with my favorite novels, a small table for my cup of tea, and some pretty wall decor completed the corner. The room makes me feel peaceful and happy and also give me a sense of accomplishment. No longer a room designated to collect wrapping paper, the vacuum cleaner, old computer cords, my children's stuffed animals they no longer want, it has become a place for self-discovery, fitness, and rest.

The F-BOMB

I believe it is time to drop the F-bomb. Now, now, now...you know what I mean. That nasty word that takes time and energy, lots of willpower and is hard to get - FIT! I have suddenly gotten excited about getting exercise back in my life again. Several reasons for this. First, I'm tired of paying for the membership to a gym that I pass by (and pass by and pass by) every day. The guilt alone is zapping me. I also am the proud new owner of an old, but in good condition, treadmill. Best part? It was free. So now I have a renewed energy to tackle one of my goals - to clean the spare room. (It's painted dark blue, so from this point forward it will be referred to as the 'blue' room.) The blue room is a mish-mash of leftover Christmas lights, papers, empty bags, office supplies, cords, blankets and the vacuum cleaner. I want to clear it out and then re-arrange it to hold the treadmill. I have a nice chair already there, so add a lamp and I should have a comfy place to read. One corner will be set up as my meditation alter. I'd like to get some 3, 5, and 10 pound weights and, with the money I save from the gym membership, purchase a bench or maybe an exercise ball. I have digital cable in there already, and if I buy a cheap ipod, my viewing and listening pleasure will be complete. I have some beautiful Ralph Lauren curtains that have been sitting in a plastic bag for two years, and I know I can find some posters or paintings that will finish the room off with a flair! Then the real work begins. It's time to get fit, fit, fit. Already joined a Run/Walk clinic...first step - check! And if the renovation of the blue room doesn't get me going and moving and exercising again, well, I'll just curl up in the chair and read.