Waiting for Weight Loss

I haven't really talked about my BIG battle this new year. The transformation goal that is so common to so many of us. I want to lose weight. This is not a new struggle. It began many, many years ago, when I gained my first "Freshman 20". Of course, everyone else gained 15, but I've always been an overachiever. I started Weight Watchers in Fayetteville in 1979 - the year I got married. (I already had the man, so what was my big hurry?) Anyway, the yo-yo cycle began. Up...down....up...down. Join...rejoin...join...rejoin. Eventually, after we'd moved to Little Rock, I finally reached my goal and maintenance. I actually cried when I hit my goal weight. I would now cry for joy if I had my 1979 weight. We really can't see ourselves, can we? We're never quite good enough. Never small enough. Never pretty enough. Never smart enough. But I digress. I have, over the years, done the grapefruit diet, the Scarsdale diet, the Pritkin, the egg and banana diet, South Beach, Weight Commander and several others that I can't even remember. In 2002, my mother had uterine cancer, so I ran home to be with her. My mother's doctor actually told me IN THE HALLWAY OF THE HOSPITAL that I needed to lose weight or I would have health problems like my mother. What gall! What poor manners! Why would he think he could say that to me?! I lost 50 pounds over the next year. I counted every calorie I ate, limited my fat and sugar intake, journaled daily, and limited myself to 1500 calories per day. Even during the holidays I stayed the course. Life was good. I started exercising. I bought books about staying thin. But wait!! Life had a little suprise for me...a little cancer, a little surgery, 32 days of radiations followed by depression and drugs and you guessed it. I gained back all of my weight. I was 4 years older...in the middle of the middle age bulge and tempted to give it all up. But I joined Weight Watchers. Four pounds in 2 months. Then the Mediterranean Diet. 8 pounds in 3 months. Even when I returned to the tried and true diet that had previously shed my body of an ample amount of weight, I was losing 2.5 pounds per month. When the class/family reunion was over (did I mention how important a motivator is?) I gained my weight back. I was disgusted and ready to rid myself of this insane lifestyle. But hope somehow prevails!!! Now, a new plan. I am in my transformation group AND seeing a weight loss doctor. I am not able to do this on my own any more. I need support and wisdom and accountability. It's a continual journey, but I do know one thing! I always feel happier when I am in control of my life and my body. So, I guess the journey is worth it. There are bad days; there are great days. But I'm happier when I'm trying. And that's a rather nice side effect of this very long and never-ending process.
P.S. I've lost 12 pounds since January 19th!