The year has begun and I am filled with a renewed desire to make changes in my life. We all feel this way beginning January 2nd, but I find that I am thinking more and more about my own mortality. People around me seem to be dropping like flies (gross analogy, but apropo). My own brush with breast cancer 3 years ago (and I am quite healthy now) has led me to a growing realization that life is more and more fragile, yet more and more precious. But unfortunately, it's literally flying by. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was trying to remember to write 2008? What happened to my summer vacation? Did we actually have a fall season with red and gold leaves? Yikes - I've actually developed a fear of dying. Gee, I didn't have it when I was diagnosed. Why has it snuck up on me now? I'm afraid I won't live long enough to enjoy the days and weeks and months to come because it feels like a year is now equivalent to a tiny moment in time. And ain't that depressing? I think so. Therefore, one of my New Year resolutions is to stop dying and start living. To recognize that the journey is the fun part, even if I don't manage to get all that Fiestaware collected prior to my demise. I still want to be pretty. I still want to laugh and sing. I still want to read and write and hang out with my girls. I want to travel with my husband and babysit some grandchildren on an occasional basis. So I have to stop dreading and start doing. I have to come to the realization that time still counts, even if it passes quickly. I have to remember that my grandmother will be 96 next month!
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Love the name - Transformations. You are very blunt with yourself, but have a strong resolve to want this change in your life! I'm with you! Go for it.
ReplyDeleteLove your honesty! I'm feeling the same concerns at this stage in my life, and want to live it to the fullest. There is a sense of 'things not accomplished' yet. Love the name, Transformations, that is the key. To keep transforming and becoming your true, authentic self. Apathy is lethal.
ReplyDeleteNance you are right about tranforming and becoming your true self. However, the interesting thing is that you never really reach your true self because you are always changing. Is that too deep? Am I paddling the wrong direction?
ReplyDeleteAs I was walking during my lunch break on Monday, I found myself looking intently at the trees, their limbs and leaves. They were dancing in the wind. Funny, I hadn't noticed that before.
My goal this year is to not be so hard on myself and to find balance. I want to love and laugh more and to receive pleasure in many different forms - like the dancing leaves.
Carol, thanks for this blog site. You inspire me!